This time last year I was just trying not to touch my very sore boob (after the two biopsies on the left areola), never thinking that within a few weeks, the whole thing would be gone and I’d be introduced to a rollercoaster that left me battered and bruised, flummoxed and fearful (oh I like the alliteration here). I had no real worries, had stopped worrying I might have breast cancer and basically just wondered what came next?
Now I find myself reading near-hysterical posts from women who have just been diagnosed, or just learnt they have to have chemo and I’m ladling out sympathy and pouring out advice like an old hand. Yet I’m still not recovered. Just how long does all of this take?
1. I still need my prosthesis (out of my hands)
2. The radiotherapy pain is still stopping me from doing my exercises. Pregabalin has great side effects but hasn’t touched the pain. Hopefully Dr N will up the dose next week - but then I won;t be able to drive again.
3. The radiotherapy is healing so I have an unreachable itch in a boob that has gone. There’s no point trying to describe how ugh that is - but if it’s healing, that must mean the pain will soon ease. Please?
4. I still don’t ‘know’ my diagnosis. I can identify what most of the codes mean but not the ratings eg. ER6 and ER8. I use that example because it changed between letters. E is Oestrogen and R may be receptors but 6 and 8 - all I know is the score is out of 8 and one hopes for 0. I had PR0 (progesterone wasn't a factor). Looks like oestrogen was a big factor then.
5. Yesterday in therapy I read aloud each of the letters, put rings round what I don’t understand and then worked out what questions I now need to ask- questions I might have asked along the way but Land of Denial beckoned. Now I no longer need that buffer, I’m ready to face the truth lol.
6. I’m plagued by CIPN (cancer-induced peripheral neuropathy). It’s not severe, thanks in part to the medical herbalist’s concoction I massage in nightly, but it’s inconvenient. On bad days, I can’t feel the tips of my toes. No problem till I needed to balance in tai chi. No toes? Forget it!
7. I hate the other side effects that I’m beginning to believe stem from the initial EC treatments, since that’s when I first noted down numbness in parts of my body. I stopped EC in FEBRUARY. Surely it should have gone by now? But my upper lip swells and stretches and does peculiar things, my mouth goes back to being someone else’s and I talk like I’m drunk!
8. My saliva problem still isn’t sorted, again started with EC treatment. As for my gums, they are so shrivelled I’m surprised I still have teeth. Seeing the dentist Tuesday to discuss the zometa infusion and whether it’s safe to continue (I’m hoping he’ll throw in for free some help for my poor mouth). At 70 quid for the consultation, I think he should!
I could go on but even I’m bored!! Sorry about this - and I haven’t touched the psychological side. I’ll save that joy for another day ;)
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