183. Jan versus a creature...

This surely warrants its own post.

Last night, about 1.30, I was woken by a rustling sound. I turned on the light and tried to locate where it was coming from. I have a large letter rack on my bedside table, jam-packed with paperwork, amongst an awful lot of rubbish, all of which makes sense to me.

Then this appeared. I clambered out of bed, considering my creaking joints, and watched. It halted at the top of the sheet of paper so, having no idea what to do and not wanting to wake D, I took a photo:

Compare it to the phone and you’ll get a sense of its size. I have never seen anything like it and hope never to again. I grabbed my empty glass and a postcard but stupidly didn’t opt for the inevitable ‘drop’ of a spider. So it dropped and vanished.

I think it took me about an hour to get to sleep again, as close to Dennis’s side as I could get, with the duvet tucked in and the light on. I Googled today and it’s a myth they crawl over you in your sleep as they don’t like human warmth. Nor do they like citrus so bits of the bedroom are now coated with essential oil of lemon. Apparently it’s a Tegenaria Domestica or Giant House Spider and its season is September. This doesn’t augur well for my summer unless everything is lemon-scented!

182. Our changing world #6

I made a note to write about my ambivalent feelings about ‘shielding’ and how emotional I was beginning to feel but things change quickly.

I heard one of the medical experts on TV (on one of the rare occasions I tune into anything Covid-related) state that shielding would definitely be extended to the end of June. This at a time when people are being given a slightly looser rein. It felt so unfair and I welled up with tears of...frustration? self pity? I don’t know but, even though it was something I expected, I was still upset.

I’d already experienced a very strange reaction when I heard Dennis having an animated conversation at the door. He’s very friendly towards delivery people and the postmen (we never get a woman) but this went on way too long. Once he closed the door, he brought up a book that my friend had just returned. They’d driven over and the two chatted over a safe distance. I felt like a kid. I really needed to cry. What about me??? She’s my friend and I’m unable to chat with her but I could have chatted through the window or something. I suddenly realised how deprived of social contact I felt.

Then the prospect of another 6 weeks and it was just too much. I could feel a depression coming on and had to take evasive action. I finished the throw I’ve had almost finished months ago and ...

I finished the rainbow blanket I’ve crocheted for Anne’s three little granddaughters (a blanket I shall never ever make again. I hated it by the time I was finishing it and call it my Migraine Maker, not that it ever gave me a migraine but it’s so unrelentingly BRIGHT! Maybe it’s literally an eyesore :) I just hope they love it or it won’t have been worth all my chuntering - knitting is almost painfree but crochet is much harder on my hands right now.





But, as I said, things change. My experiment with the anti-inflammatory drug had mixed results. My knees were way better but my hands and feet were unaffected. Unfortunately my stomach WAS affected so I had to sleep upright and I got other effects. The GP had said if I noticed those, stop. So I stopped, which is a bit depressing. I did persist with the hospital though and, not having heard back from C, my breast care nurse, I rang again. I rang at 4.30 and they finish the support line at 4 so I thought I might hear back in a couple of days. In fact, a nurse rang back at 8.40 next morning so I must have been her first call and she listened (you have no idea how soothing it is to speak to someone who actually understands all the implications of what you’re saying - they hear between the lines). She was insistent that I speak to an oncologist about the pain and I asked if I could speak to Dr U, the lovely oncologist I had in the midst of chemo, since he’s named on my blood forms. I really didn't want to talk to Dr D as she doesn’t ‘listen.’ Her mind is already calculating what the next test/treatment must be and doesn’t therefore show much sympathy though I’m sure she understands. I always feel she wants to give me a kick up the arse - maybe she’s right.

At 2pm, Dr U rang. This suggests they have way too much time on their hands so they must be running a reduced service with most new patients shoved onto hormone therapy to hold the fort till it’s safe to have chemo - but I’m not complaining. It’s excellent service as far as I’m concerned. Anyway Dr U is fairly sure that the problem lies with the anastrozole, the hormone therapy. Back we go then. So he advised me to stop taking it for six weeks, the 4 weeks I tried before not being long enough for joint pain to go away. If the pain is reduced, then we’ll need to look at alternatives (less effective but I’m not going to think about that for now). If the pain isn’t reduced, then we’ll have to consider the zometa infusion but that would be ‘very unusual.’ Ha! He doesn’t know me. This princess can detect petits pois, even bed mites under her 100 mattresses AND she can fall out of bed too! ‘Very unusual’ doesn't seem to apply to me and side effects. So things are looking up - an oncologist confident he has the right explanation but still wanting me to go ahead with anything Rheumatology suggests (if I get a referral).

But it gets better. Apropos nothing (?), Dr U asked how I was getting on with lockdown. I told him I was taking it in my stride and thought we’d had good preparation last year so I was ok to fine. His advice was to adapt the shielding, which policy he doesn’t fully agree with, and GET OUT. What?!? Go for walks (he’s forgotten about my knees and feet lol) and get out in the car. Avoid people and no social contact or shopping but a change of scenery would do me the power of good.  He explained that he adjusts his advice for each individual condition but I am safe enough to go out and that’s his advice. Ok, understood and very very welcome, Dr U. Then he said my next appointment would be a phone consultation because it’s important to keep me safe. Hmmm.  No stopping me now. Off for a drive.  Here’s Adel church hiding behind the unusually untrimmed greenery. It’s a beautiful Anglo Saxon church, the only one in Leeds, though there is an Anglo Saxon cross in St Peter’s in the city centre which was unearthed nearby. And here’s an old house I’ve never noticed before. Unfortunately, it happened to be rather cold and very very windy so no walking, just crossing the road a few times lol. Well, it’s a start.

                 

 

The only problem now is there’s a bright orange spanner on the control panel which indicates the car needs a service. No means of turning it off. Come on, give me a break. I’ve only driven 1000 miles since I bought the damn thing and where do I get a service under lockdown??

181. Getting increasingly random now...

Starting on a bright note, just look at these glorious peonies. And they have such a fragrance too - just subtle enough to be bearable in a room, unlike Dennis’s favoured lilies. Of course, I had to buy them myself but I’m used to that. Today I informed Dennis that I’d like flowers for my birthday present. His reply: “You can buy them for yourself.” Yes, romance is dead. In fact, romance rarely was there And I killed it off in 1971, not long after our marriage, the day he arrived on our doorstep with a bunch of flowers he’d bought for me in Kirkgate Market and carried all the way home on the bus. What happened? I opened the door to see a huge bunch of white chrysanthemums, the ones with the huge single blooms. They looked like a wreath. I couldn't see Dennis. I think he’d bought a dozen. I burst out laughing.

I never got any flowers ever again, not even last year, although he did carry home on the bus a huge shop display for a Bryan Ferry album that Jumbo was throwing out. It’s still in the garage though Bryan’s head has become detached and may have gone soggy in the floods. I really should investigate.

I’ve been busy knitting mask extenders for the NHS. To be honest, I’m not totally convinced there’s a great demand for them but the logic makes sense. The idea is to prevent sore ears caused by wearing surgical masks hooked over the ears while on duty. One of these 4 x 2 inch strips is placed across the back of the head and the loops of the surgical mask bypass the ears and hook over the buttons. I sent off 24 last week and have another 40 done. Knitting helps my hands a lot (I don’t know why when crochet hurts, as does keyboarding) So it’s been a welcome break for me in between crocheting a blanket for Anne’s three young granddaughters. I’ll dig out a photo.

Dr Kendall rang eventually on Tuesday. “Same time next week” doesn’t mean 9.15, It means any time Tuesday. So I hung around for nothing. Just think - I could have... oh no, I couldn’t. Anyway, the anti-inflammatory hadn’t made a jot of difference but I was on a very low dose so, although he was

dubious, he agreed I could double the dose. I felt an immediate benefit to the backs of my knees so I could walk downstairs at a reasonable pace and looked less like Mrs Overall. But no improvement to any aspect of my feet or hands. On the downside, I’ve been developing fluid retention and today I woke with such a sore throat/cough - and he’d warned me about oesophagitis. So, at his direction, I didn't take any today. I have enough side effects to reduce the side effects without getting more! Doubtless tomorrow I shall be back to the Mrs Overall style of walking. Now I know where JulieWalters got the idea. Meantime, Dr K is consulting Rheumatology and I need to talk to the breast care nurse and see if I can get a phone call with Dr U, the oncologist whose name is on my bloods form for the next zometa infusion. Then, if he confirms that all this pain is likely to be the zometa, Rheumatology can consult with oncology. I can’t even let my mind go to murky territory like ‘what if it’s permanent?’

So now I just wait and see if Dr K gets back to me. He said today but of course he didn’t - this is the one who left me without pain relief last Easter because he forgot to call me. Nice man tho and a lovely telephone voice.

180. Solutions always seem to have a price!

First I have to pontificate on the most surreal experience I had yesterday, doing my civic duty out of sheer boredom and writing a product review on my new freezer. I was taken aback when a red box appeared, saying something like “STOP. You appear to be using bad language. Please remove the bad language now.” Now, I’m a great one for effing and blinding but all I’d written were the first three letters of the word EFFICIENT. Nowt wrong with that is there? Why on earth did they assume that eff was going to be left as that - and who says eff anyway? I wouldn’t mind but I hadn’t even paused - they stopped me. I blithely carried on, much amused, only to be halted in my tracks when I was describing the drawers as ‘cumbersome.’ I don’t think I’ve ever used the word in my life. Trina and I, and Dennis and I have had great fun ever since. - but what kind of reviews do Curry’s get that they should anticipate offensive language??

The lawn grows higher by the day. No reply from the retailer, who’s probably pissed off at the prospect of having to sort us out. But, given how little Dennis did, it can’t have been a robust motor, can it? Meantime, Dennis compensates by steaming anything in sight - anything except the things that really need doing like inside and under the shower door - things he never notices. But I am too diplomatic to point out these deficiencies for now. Living under lockdown (now extended to the end of June minimum) means you can’t push your luck with your co-habiter. However, Gallagher’s equipment comes so close, maybe I could ask them for a mow??

That is our fence at the bottom and our straggly conifer hedge, plus their screen which I can’t see over now! But that looks (and sounds) awfully close!





I spoke to the doctor about my pain that really is getting me down now. He prescribed something called Arcoxia for one week but warned me it can cause an upset stomach. However he said I needn’t worry about that as I already have Lansoprazole for stomach problems. HA HA! I woke at 6 this morning, doubled up with what I guess is heartburn - and I’d taken an extra Lansoprazole to be on the safe side. I obviously dozed off later as I remember dreams but I was propped up and I drunk some water which helped. There is a plus side. After 2 tablets, I have noticed a reduction in some of the pain. So...less pain BUT severe stomach problems. What a choice! They are dinky little heart-shaped pills - you wouldn’t think they could be so nasty.

We had a letter from Miller Homes this morning, warning us that they will be back to full capacity by the end of the month and that everything is being done according to government guidance. Oh yes?

                              

These 3 don't look 2 metres apart to me!

                 
I feel like one of those ghastly overzealous neighbourhood watch men, with a clipboard and thorough knowledge of every local by-law but actually, there’s nowhere else to look except out the back. I consider these as watchable as the sheep and bunny rabbits!

179. Random thoughts

It’s been an age since I’ve had anything to say. Something occurs to me and I think ‘done that.’ Something happens and I think ‘been there.’ Life really is just a healthier repeat of last year, only without all the new clothes as there’s nowhere to wear them.

Book group on Wednesday was an experience, 13 women starved of company and unused to the  ways of Skype was never going to be easy and Maureen did a great job tracking those who’d disappeared (I think one fled) and sorting out technical hitches. There was some discussion of the book but nothing major. However, I think people were just so glad to be seeing faces other than those they live with that no one really cared about the glitches. It was still a crap book in my opinion. I hope the next one is better (though the title is unpromising, it was recommended from a reliable source). But how delighted I was to see one of us, who completed chemo just as lockdown arrived, sporting her lovely cropped hair look. I wonder if she strokes it like I did mine. Obsessively lol.

Today I realised that I am interfering with Nature. The starling tries to protect her nest and the magpies continue to raid it. I Googled and my suspicion was correct - they do destroy eggs so maybe it’s not just the twigs they are after. Some crows joined the fray today. So what is the point of my leaping up and flapping my sun hat to scare the raiders away when, in my absence, they are probably wreaking havoc anyway. In addition to that, I get the gratitude of a verminous starling who chirps with what must be one of the least appealing forms of birdsong - like scratching metal.

The lawn gets longer by the day. Initially, I thought Dennis didn’t like the new lawnmower! He failed to mention that, while ignoring my instruction (not advice) to start on the highest setting, the motor actual broke down. So a £250 lawnmower less than 2 weeks old and having completed three short pathways is now dead as a doornail. For once, I caught him out - he asked how was he to know which was the high and which was the low setting when I’d got the                                 instruction book to sort out the guarantee (do idiots

invalidate a warranty?). Answer - I’d told him 2 was the lowest. When I checked, yep, he’d tried a first mow on 2. I don’t even feel surprise now. The man believes a machine must work his way or not at all. Hence the number of burnt-out steam cleaners and dud lawnmowers we have. I once bought hedge trimmers but I never trusted him to use them so... Heigh ho. We are going for the meadow look and yes, it does attract the butterflies. Today, two Orange-tip butterflies (new to me this year), one Red Admiral, one Painted Lady and some kind of white one with heavy green markings underneath (so not a Cabbage White). If I sound expert, it’s only because I do the Great Butterfly Count in the summer and I’ve learnt to tell a Painted Lady from a Red Admiral. I had to look up the Orange-tip. What a stunner.

Speaking of stunners, we have a tiny bluebell patch. On my circuitous walk the other day, I spotted them and thought they looked a bit flat. On my walk back in the other direction, I discovered why!