191. Plus ça change encore une fois

I hope my A level French has survived correctly. Regardless, I’m stuck in a gigantic hamster wheel and peddling as fast as my legs will go and getting precisely nowhere.

1. My joint and bone pain is getting worse. I have to be constantly on the move to ensure something doesn’t seize up. But  catch 22 - I don't have the energy to be constantly on the move. Catch 23 - I don't have the energy because of the muscle pain. Answers please on a postcard.... No, don’t bother. I know the answer.

2. My GP thinks Rheumatology is dealing with it. Oncology thinks either my GP or Rheumatology is dealing with it. Rheumatology thinks either Oncology or my GP is dealing with it. Between them, they have created my hamster wheel.

3. I received a summary from Oncology to my GP. Lovely Dr E wrote: ‘Janet has undergone a rheumatology phone assessment and we are appreciative of this. Janet is now utilising Voltarol for her joint discomfort, this hasn’t immediately provided relief however she wishes to persist with this over the next few weeks.’ (Her punctuation). Wtf. Am I meant to bathe in the stuff? Which joint do I focus on for the prescribed daily use of Voltarol? My fingers get a free dose when I’m massaging my knees but there are a lot of joints left without this ineffective treatment.

She then goes on to say that, if it gets worse, ‘we will discuss further with rheumatology whether a steroid injection would be appropriate.’ Another wtf?? Which joint has the dubious privilege because it can be bloody painful. Maybe I’ll get one in each finger joint. 28 joints plus my wrists. To see in writing that the solution to all this seems to be a tube of Voltarol doesn’t quite capture the severity of the problem and I’m back to thinking maybe I’m being a bit of a wuss. Try telling my swellings that.

4. Meantime I do my exercises. I have even planned on going for a swim and have 4 M&S costumes to choose from. I’d forgotten how badly M&S swimsuits are designed, cut up the thighs to elongate the legs and slip neatly between your buttocks. Ugh. That’s two ruled out immediately. That leaves me with the post-surgery swimsuit that’s actually quite nice and cut respectably across the thighs. Do I go for the size 12 I can just about squeeze into and risk my weight creeping up further so I can’t get it off OR do I buy the size 14 that is marginally easier to get off but is too loose around the boobs (or boob - if I had two, I might manage to anchor it but it’s impossible with only one and an aqua knitted knocker).

I have reservations about swimming as it will be only the second thing I do straight out of shielding. Is it safe? Equally important, how do I get out of the pool after I’ve swum a mighty single length (if I’m lucky)? The steps are vertical and you need to rely on hand and arm strength to haul yourself out.  What if I can’t get out lol??




5. Quite early on I promised myself I wouldn’t slip into pity parties. That did not go down well with my therapist! Anyway, this is my pity party so - sorry but tough! As the late and great Lesley Gore sang: ‘It’s my party; I can cry if I want to...’ Where that came from when I can barely remember the title of the last book I read is a mystery but I think Dennis would approve. It was Murder on the River Usk and it was pretty bad; not recommended.