256. Human Pin Cushion

Sad to say but my veins are beginning to protest loudly at what they consider gross mistreatment. My favourite phlebotomist failed three times to get blood. Of course, that may be my body saying ‘Nope. I need all I can get’ cos I am sadly short of the necessary blood cells and vampiric urges sweep through me occasionally. You’d think they’d offer a simple blood transfusion but I’m not down to the qualifying level yet. I have to say it’s a weird feeling looking down at a needle inserted right to the hilt and not a drop of blood appearing. Of course, as soon as she removed the needle, blood started pouring down my arm! Anyway, the phlebotomist was about to call for the Big Man, the head honcho who never fails (huh) , but decided to go back into the first site et voilà, blood. Enough to fill two vials and provide the required data a day earlier than advised. I’m past caring on that one. I did NOT want to go back the next day and the chances of getting bloods done locally is zilch.

All is well. My blood markers are at 19 and my tumour marker is at 6 still. When I said I wanted that figure to drop, Dr U said he didn’t and he showed me the critical figures that put you into their red zone and it was anything below and including 5. I can’t say I understand it but it’s good enough for me if it’s good enough for him. I am, as they say in one of the F/B groups, Stable Mabel. 

The 13-week waiting list for CT scans was nonsense. I’m booked for my scan on Bank Holiday Monday at 5.30. Merry Christmas everyone! Apart from identifying that lost kidney and (let’s hope not) finding more suspicious areas inside, the scan seems pretty pointless as it’s not designed to pick up the areas where my cancer has so far settled. An MRI shows the tumour and I had one in September so it will be several months before I’m offered another (unless those markers start rising).

On the down side, having had a pretty miserable two weeks bowel-wise (my English is deteriorating!), I asked about my side effects and he said this was pretty much it after 11 cycles. I’m stuck with what I’ve got. That means

• Unpredictable bowels and hours spent sitting on the loo, often in the early hours of the morning when I keep my eyes closed as much as possible, in the vain hope I won’t fully wake up.
• Insomnia. I feel sleepy at 10 or 11pm then I am wide awake till 2 or 3. My kindle and the continued struggle to read Queen Lucia to the end (3 weeks now?) is helping me fall asleep.
• Unpredictable fatigue, meaning days when I just can’t find the energy to get out of bed and…
• Being able to walk very short distances and getting rather breathless, which I can tell you is not much fun when you’re wearing a mask.
• Sore toes and numb fingers, not much use to anyone.
• Self-pity.

So, great news on the cancer front, less great news on the body front. We’ve been invited to our friends’ house Christmas Eve and I’ve been invited to lunch at Cookridge Hall on Wednesday but I don’t know if I want to take those risks. The guidance is pretty vague this time. I’d rather be instructed to shield till I get my booster in a few weeks as it’s due on 14 January (if they go by calendar months) or earlier if they mean 12 weeks. Who knows? I think with that booster, I’ll feel more confident but it’s all too uncertain for me. I don’t want to break free and then find myself on a ventilator (how will I take my chemo???). Maybe it’s best to stay semi-shielded? 

Anyway, I’m off to wrap the few presents I have bought and sort out delivery. I’m sadly lacking in Christmas spirit. Even my little tree has yet to be decorated but, this year, not a needle has fallen - YET.

My beautiful Christmas bouquet