278. Sadness and smiles

The smiley bit

It’s been a strange few weeks but reality hit again when the lovely George who was a member of our support group at Maggie’s died yesterday. Again, I could shed tears for her but still not for myself. George’s death came as no surprise. I have watched her this year struggling with various treatments, arriving full of optimism one month, another month sitting and chatting quietly with no hair and such yellow skin you just knew her liver was packing up. Then off to another treatment - and not one word of complaint. Like Fran, she was one of Dr U’s patients and so sad he was leaving - and she died 5 days later. How do medical staff cope with all this??

What makes me angry is, as you can see from the photo, George was so young. The statistics still say only about 9% of Stage 4 BC cases are under 45. Try telling that to my group, most of whom are young, like George, with young families they know they are going to have to leave behind. It is just so cruel and so unfair. Then you remember that fairness has nothing to do with this. it’s all down to luck, bad luck, unpredictable luck and more luck. George’s husband opened a JustGiving page this morning with a target of £1000 for Make2ndsCount. When I visited the page at about 3.30, he’d already raised over £3,500 which just proves how loved and appreciated George was. It’s over £4500 now. Ok, nothing like the millions Bowelbabe raised but it’s all going to help research into secondary breast cancer. I know George will have approved and it gives her husband some purpose. Yet I still get no sense in myself that this is going to be my fate. Totally weird.

Easter came and my giant Cadbury’s egg went. I exaggerate - I still have a piece left so I’ve made it last 5 days. I could taste it better this year but it’s still not the same. It was accompanied by a delightful set of bunnies and eggs that Sheila sent me. I was having a rough time with cape tummy so no Easter Egg hunts in the garden but I had fun ‘hiding’ them at various places in the bedroom. I can’t find some of them! And it was all topped by a beautiful arrangement of golden tulips and blue hyacinths (thank god for autocorrect) from Trina. I think the hyacinths are going to last for ages. Then of course we have my dramatic amaryllis which is flowering beautifully but is so top heavy, it’s uprooted itself and won’t cooperate with our efforts to repot it. So it’s now got a kind of scaffolding to hold the beast in place. It’s going to be so stunning once it opens. Question: can I keep this one ‘alive’ for next year, something I’ve never yet managed!

The smiles came today. I had a lovely lunch with some former Parklands friends (and Parklands barely got mentioned) and Anne told me that her 2 older grandchildren (9 and 7) did another bake and lemonade stall, with flyers, personal invitations plus home delivery on orders! How good is that. It’s so good to know that, despite all the technology, homework, social media etc, there is still room for kindness and consideration. Apparently they did it for me and their friend’s friend and the money is going to Maggie’s. Bless them!! And the adults behind the scenes clearing up the mess, keeping the kids safe… Hard work and much appreciated xx

Clinic tomorrow - despite the doctors’ strike (which I whole-heartedly support). I wonder who I’ll see…

Anya and Emmy far left