287. Looking…not so good

Kitten talk later!

Excuse not to make the bed

Went to clinic Friday and saw Dr O. My MRI scan shows no change from the previous scan, which seems remarkable, as well as being excellent news. The report on the CT scan wasn’t available, which was somewhat frustrating. The big problem was that my tumour marker had shot from 67 to 93 and, since this is definitely a sustained rise, it can’t be explained away by inflammation. She’s convinced something is going on somewhere and obviously expects the CT report to reveal some metastasis somewhere in my main organs. It’s not in my brain, So…liver, peritoneum, kidney, heart? I feel fine (we 231mghsxnnbgd - Laurel having a go at the keyboard!). Yes, apart from exhaustion caused by Cape, I do feel fine.

So I foresee a mini-battle of wills. Dr O wants me to start a new treatment. She thinks we’ve spent enough time on Wait And See. She is thinking of paclitaxel. My repeated question is what is the point of paclitaxel when it didn’t work first time round? I’ve agreed to stop taking Cape (hoping it’s just a break) so I have 2 weeks, one of which should be comepletely chemo-free. I’m so used to fatigue now, I can’t imagine feeling more lively now! Meantime, she’s sent a request to Dermatology for a biopsy on the largest o my skin mets and she’ll take my case to next week’s MDT meeting. Apparently there is a new (unpronounceable) drug available that they might consider.

A major problem seems to be the fact that, originally, I had two different cancers, one hormone receptive, the other triple negative. Since my TN has not been behaving to type, she wonders if the hormone-receptive cancer is asserting itself now. Till now, we’ve assumed it was cured but there’s always a possibility. That would be just my luck: greedy to get two different cancers in two tumours in 2018; optimistic to trust the end-of-treatment CT scan that declared all was safely dealt with in 2019; trusting an MTNBC diagnosis, naively assuming that was that in 2021! Now I face a major change, one I don’t fancy at all. I’ve got used to the sense of normality you get with capecitabine and now face weekly IV chemo for a minimum of 18 weeks if it works, possibly indefinitely. It will have to be taxis as I don’t have many people to ask for support now - most are tied up with grandchild-duties, my goddaughter is about to explode (with a Baby Pea to show for it), there’s only so much I can ask of Lisa. I hate this loss of what I see as control :(

So I go back in 2 weeks to hear the decision. I can’t really ask for a second opinion as it will have been discussed in the MDT where all the big shots are. Dr O is not taking an artbitrary decision. I shall have had a phone consultation with the patient advocate for clinical trials on Friday but that may not help as we don’t know what cancer we’re dealing with now. And meantime I’m left with this sense that, from now on, it won’t be progress, just maintenance at best. I’m not aware of anyone who’s made this move and come out of it well.

Long pause while Laurel sleeps on iPad, then on me, so I’ve been immobilised for over an hour. Thank god for Wimbledon!

She’s settled way better than I expected. Yes she’s very vocal but she’s also very affectionate, playful and curious. She has already got the upper hand with Del so we’re keeping her out of his two rooms downstairs so he has some sense of territory. She loves to sleep snuggled up to one of us and frequently I find myself stuck, which is no hardship. 

All in all, a very good choice. Poor thing doesn’t know she’s being spayed tomorrow :(