225. No news...

I’ve been back to the clinic and my eye is healing nicely. It was Dr K again and she’s not good at reassurance. I think she’ll be disappointed when histology finds I haven’t got a metastasis to be honest. They’ve suggested nothing else. So she said to come back in 2 to 3 weeks for the results, saw my face drop and suggested giving me the results on the phone. In the meantime, she was browsing my records and said “Oh, I can see they’ve already got you down for chemotherapy.” That moment is recorded on my Fitbit as a rise from 74 heart beats per minute to 110 in an instant as I yelled “WHAT??” Then common sense set in and I asked her if the date was for July. Yes, it was. That’s my continuing biphoshonates treatment. I told you she’s insensitive!

Next Friday, I have a video call with oncology in the morning and a phone call from Ophthalmology late afternoon. I’m kind of guessing that the oncologist will refer to the results since he made the referral so there will be no shocks in the afternoon. But it’s all so wearing, NOT thinking about something that really ought to be thought about, just in case.

However, my ostrich approach does work, anxiety-wise, the let’s keep that head buried and try not to get any sand in the stitches. I am told the stitches are self-dissolving and will be gone in 4 to 6 weeks. I had self dissolving stitches in my mastectomy and they were gone within 10 days. SIX weeks?? I look like I have a little stretch of barbed wire across my eyelid, with a big red and black cloud behind it!

I might fool myself into not feeling any anxiety but it always find its way out somehow. Immunity this time. Another swollen gland (just tell the GP, I was told - she must have thought I was mad) and another UTI. The same antibiotics as last time. Not of course the one that worked immediately but the one that didn’t work because that’s what my UTI should respond t, according to a GP I’ve never met before. 7 days instead of 3 so, according to the GP, it will soon be sorted. Well, I’m on day 4. I have excruciating stomach aches and it’s had a bit of an effect on the UTI but it’s not gone. I mean, why not just give me what worked last time? Why prolong the inevitable?? I am so pissed off. Rather apposite, that.

Another week of waiting...

See, just as red overall, still swollen - BUT no crows’ feet!! OK, yes, I frown a lot!