262. Stable Mabel

 I have to write this today as I have my clinic appointment at 8.30am (they really don’t know me - I’m sub-human at that time) tomorrow and the picture may have changed. I rang to get my blood results and the nurse who rang back was my first breast care nurse, the amazing Belinda. There, named because I can’t see me ever being critical of her. My results remained the same and she told me that I am considered STABLE. I can’t tell you how my heart soared (background of ethereal strings playing here) but I wondered why Dr U has never used the term. I was cautious. I did check this included my MRI results and, yep, as they say in Stage 4 Deserves More, I am Stable Mabel.

Dr U did ring this week but it was just as I was driving off to the hairdresser’s so Dennis talked to him for about 15 minutes. Knowing his usual concern for Dennis’s wellbeing (not in the slightest changed after his chat at Maggie’s of course), I assumed that would be the subject but, apart from the message that he has arranged an appointment with Ophthalmology “in 2 weeks”, Dennis said he was asking him how I am coping. That surprised me.

It was great just being normal and going to the hairdresser’s. She did a lovely job of it and I left to a blast of wind that ruined the overall effect. There was just me there and Liz wore a mask for my benefit, which I found rather touching. She was curious about the skin mets, which obviously I wanted my hair to keep covered, and she actually ran her fingers over them without a thought. I felt curiously reassured that someone could be so matter-of-fact about it. No mauve and steel highlights again. A tiny voice was saying ‘Don’t waste your money’ cos I know things could change very quickly and I’d need another buzzcut.  This is me after a nap completely undid all the wonderful flicks.

I am officially decrepit!

This cycle has been a bit rough at times but loperamide means I can go out without fearing another bout of the Cape runs. I just wish I could motivate myself better instead of yielding to the fatigue. Tuesday I had reflexology/reiki and then the hair appointment. You’d think that would lift my spirits but no, I was flat out after that. Yesterday I was up and about to do chair pilates (beginners) - I don’t lack the agility; it’s just that my muscles go into spasm if I twist or even if I just point my toes, so I spent maybe a third of the time frantically massaging my foot or my whatsits, the muscle running down your side. It’s something I hope I can do by myself as I really need to improve my back muscles. Fatigue is giving me round shoulders! But my Ercol chair, with its ancient seat pad, is not the best for me. I may have put on weight but it’s concentrated down my front so my ‘sitting bones’ as someone once referred to them, still dig into any hard surface. Ouch! After that very gentle class, it was back to flopping on the bed.

Soooo… fingers crossed tomorrow.