283. Whoops-a-daisy

The infantile title is deliberate (see lower down - or should I say ‘down there’?) I don’t know if this is normal but, each time I take a tumble, I have a surreal slow motion experience. Yesterday (my 4th tumble in 2 years - not bad going) I just caught my heel in a tuft of grass as I went to move the sun-lounger into more shade. Then I had, yet again, a slow series of decisions, each of which I followed. How’s that possible? You fall in 1 or 2 seconds. For me it was:

Mustn’t bang my head (A&E cos of blood thinners)

Try to land on my bum like last time

Mind the metal frame of the chair

Shit, is anyone watching??

And I turned myself so I fell on my bum, supported by both arms. One wrist was very painful for a couple of hours and I waited for the swelling or bruising. Nothing. And the wrist was fine by teatime. Meantime, I discovered I’d injured my other thumb. It’s still very painful but, again, no swelling or bruising or I’d be daft not to get it checked out.  No crochet for now though - and I’m on a deadline! The best bit is I jarred my neck. I thought Please don’t let this affect my brain (the risk apparently is a bleed on the brain if you bang your head and you’re on anticoagulants). It hasn’t. But I’ve got an almighty stiff neck. Who knew the skull was so heavy!! Or maybe it’s just mine.

I’ve actually had a week off chemo and what a difference it made. Not immediately but, after a few days, I realised I was going upstairs at normal speed and not collapsing on the bed after that. I don’t know what it proves. I realise now it was a futile experiment apart from the psychological boost it gave me and the fact that I felt more myself for a good 10 days. I’d hoped it would show that capecitabine and the anticoagulant don’t go together well as they both cause fatigue but I’ve no idea if it’s the chemo or the blood-thinner - and I can’t do without either anyway. You can tell I never learnt about controlled testing! I’ve only got 4 more compulsory weeks on the blood-thinner, then it’s a CT scan and an appointment with yet another clinic whose name escapes me - but they will decide if I need to stay on it another 3 months. With my luck… Maybe the DIY daily injection doesn’t clash with Cape?

I have clinic next week. I have so many questions but I suspect they are unanswerable. Meantime, someone in FB asked for pictures of people’s skin mets because her oncologist thinks she still has shingles. Well, only the one on my face looks like shingles but I managed to take a picture of the back of my neck - and was surprised. All the new little lumps I have are colourless but my neck looks like I have a mild case of acne. Just when I’ve had my hair cut! There are a lot more that can be felt but not seen, from the mother lode (bottom left, cured by capecitabine) running up in chains to my hairline and, where the blue arrow is, 3 rather large ones that cape never quite beat They’ve grown in the 2 years from little bumps to the size of cherries and peas! That’s a pea you can see :) It might explain why my tumour markers are up, in which case, I don’t think it’s serious (naive?). I have my 3-D head MRI on Saturday to see if there’s greater activity in my tumour. Actually, I wonder if they’d let me rest my hand by my head - they could tell me if my thumb is ok!!

I have been discharged from Urology. Apparently my “files seem to have got lost in the system”. That explained the extra 3 months it took for any follow up. That excuse doesn't hold water now everything, literally everything, is online but I let it pass. I was going to put the poor urologist through the mill. He was probably traumatised! How can you discharge someone who needs a physical examination via a phone consultation? 

He started by asking how my vagina was. I told him Gynaecology had passed me over to Urology as being gynaecologically sound. So then he rephrased it: how were things down there? It had clicked by then. Oh, said I, you mean my vulva. Why didn’t you say so? He said that most people referred to it as the vagina so I ticked him off. I told him that while medical staff continued to use the word vagina, or worse, wee and poo, women were never going to be able to take ownership of their bodies. Maybe so was the reply. Maybe?? Honestly, grown women seem unable to use words like bladder and bowels, let alone urethra, vulva, diarrhoea (maybe they stall at the spelling, fair enough) and constipation. I read things like “Sorry to lower the tone but I’d really like to ask about… (down there/a poo issue/red wee).” God, we live in a world of infant adults!!

Back to the urologist. I’d had to contort myself to look “down there” the day before and was able to describe what I saw. It all sounded healthy. I asked about the impact of ageing and he went into some detail. Then I asked if it was a one-off. No it is likely to happen again and I must get my GP to do an urgent referral to urology. This time they would do a minor procedure to make things more comfortable. I’ve never complained of pain but hey. Who doesn’t want yet another bloody procedure on top of scans, clumsy blood tests, chemo, side effects, hay fever like never before… what next?? One good thing is I’m not getting incontinence. My urethral muscles near the bladder are strong. I’m guessing that’s from the cystoscope report. Gosh that was almost 6 months ago!!

And how could I forget my birthday? Well, this is far too long already so I’ll save that one.

Down there. Honestly… Having said that, Trina has drawn my attention to an NHS document from 6th June (I would have hoped it was 1st April). More about that another time too. But be ready, ladies, women and girls, to defend your body and your body parts (in terms of language). Back to ‘down there??’