Yesterday I had the thrill of going out with matching boobs - thanks to my knitted knocker and a new bra from Asda, To add to the thrill, mascara! I have more lashes on my lower lids than I ever had (I wonder for how long) and my upper eyelashes are just about long enough to bear a coating without the risk of jabbing myself in the eye with the mascara wand. Now I can start using my lash serum which promises thicker, more lush lashes in 3 months. Let’s face it, it can’t fail on either count, considering what was there - or rather, not there. Having said that, if my eyes can react to Simple, I’ll most likely get a reaction and not be able to use it anyway lol. AND I have eyebrows again, albeit rather stubbly, but definitely in eyebrow shape and with some colour, unlike what’s slowly growing on my head.
It did take me back to the days of agonising in front of the mirror, painstakingly painting individual lashes a la Twiggy. I remember I once tried it with the upper lashes too, not realising that when I blinked, it displayed two arcs of freestanding black blobs. Heigh ho... those were the days. Orange foundation that stopped at the chin, exposing a white neck; lurid blue eyeshadow; spitting in the mascara and stirring up mud with a brush - I quickly learnt the dos and don’ts and passed them on once I started teaching. In came the experimenters for registration, I suppressed my smirk and looked disapprovingly, given the school rule of no make-up, and later I’d take each aside for a gentle suggestion that foundation was there to enhance the skin and should be a close match that could be blended over the chin and into the neck so it was invisible. Hopefully I saved a lot of embarrassment but it was kind of reassuring to know most girls made the same mistakes.
I must learn to be more thoughtful about how I treat things. I have no embarrassment about my wig (still necessary sadly as my hair is a bit patchy) and, after almost giving Dr D heart failure by whipping it off to make her examination of my face and neck easier, you’d think I’d appreciate people can feel shock. Yesterday, it was the knitted knocker. As we sat over lunch and/or coffee at Cookridge Hall, someone expressed curiosity about it so I just whipped it out. I was taken aback by their surprise. I’m not uncomfortable so why should they be. But further thought makes me realise I need to be more considerate - ask before revealing the intimacies of my make-do-and-mend solutions to the ravages of breast cancer.
Speaking of ravages, I’m still waiting to hear back from the nurse at the hospital and trying not to get anxious about the prospect of the zolendrate treatment. I guess I could just plead for some additional preventative stuff on the day if necessary - but it all comes tailor-made from the pharmacy so it would mean very long delays. I haven’t even found someone to take me. I really don’t fancy a cab in case I do feel ill - they were fine for radiotherapy and for chemo once I knew exactly what to expect but this is unknown territory. Unfortunately, everyone I’ve asked is already committed that day. It leaves one person who I promised myself I wouldn’t ask again as she’s done so much already. By the time I do ask, she’ll be booked for something too!
As for the peripheral neuropathy, it continues to strike in unexpected ways (mostly too personal to detail here) and to come and go. Yesterday I could wield a needle and thread - thank god for the needle-threader. I completed the three cardigans and dresses and Anne’s coming on Thursday for a cuppa and will take them off my hands. I suspect Lottie will be too big for her dress and Emmy and Anya too small for theirs, despite trying to keep to the measurements I had. Anya’s looks enormous! Today however, there’s no way I could use a sewing needle as my fingers are far too tingly. My mouth feels enormous and again my swollen top lip is folding under my teeth. It was fine for most of yesterday. I just don’t understand what’s going on - but I don’t like it.
Hold on. This started positively and ends miserably. In the grand scheme of things, I am FINE :)
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