106. Hi there

Just touching base. Nothing to report beyond the usual catastrophising about next Monday's treatment and waiting impatiently for the MRI appointment. No point catastrophising about that till I know when it is. At least I can be sure it won’t clash with chemo, something St James’s has no qualms about. Maureen got three bc-related appointments all on the same day, all from different branches of treatment and all clashing. You’d think a simple algorithm would flag up appointment clashes before they’re sent out but nothing so obvious: each department does its own thing, then the patient has to sort out the nonsense.

It’s a strange feeling being in this position. Officially I’m NED (no evidence of disease) and considered cancer-free. I’ve completed the three treatments (surgery, chemotherapy and radiotherapy) and embarked on the preventative hormone therapy. Yet I’m not free of the hospital. It doesn’t dictate my daily routine any longer and there’s a kind of uncertainty: is it over or not? It seems I’m required to go back to clinic every three months initially (for what? To ask if I’m ok, I guess), then every 6 months, plus of course the four more zolendrate treatments which take me almost up to 2022. I couldn’t have even imagined life in 2022 when I was at school. I couldn’t have seen myself at 68 shaking off the ravages of bc treatment. Yet here I am... Meantime, I really must restart my regular exercise. My axilla and the area down my left side are very sore at times, particularly if I’ve worn a proper bra for a short while, and I have to ward off the cording, let alone the risk of lymphodoema which apparently can strike at any time. Feels like I’ve got a life sentence now...

I can’t even re-establish my routines without the freedom my car provides me. Yesterday it cost me £22 just to keep an appointment in Horsforth. It might be close by and have our nearest railway station but is there a regular bus service? Of course not. The weather is crap so I can’t even sit outside and, when I last did, I eventually got driven indoors by the high-pitched squeal of the builders’ giant caterpillar that kept crossing the field.

Since hopefully we’re not staying in this house now, I decided against something permanent like a wooden shed/gazebo and bought a canvas one that we put up on Monday. It’s been cloudy and windy and drizzly ever since! However, for a brief time, I was snug and private and sheltered from the wind and any harmful sun rays (I should be so lucky).

Please ignore the weeds, the state of the lawn and wild hedge, let alone the neglected wooden seat. We’ve had a lot on our plate these last ten months! I’m not sure if the ‘gazebo’ is resting on a slope or if it’s standing a bit lopsided. Probably the latter! Anyway, it’s been moved out of sight till I can relax in the sun (which seems to get worn out before it reaches the North). Not that I could see anyone bothering to take it apart in order to steal it! Well, there you go: I complain about the absence of sun and here it is (briefly and not worth gazebo-shifting, guaranteed). But there’s a patch of blue sky so maybe I’m wrong. Fingers crossed.