216. Tap, tap tapping

Let me start by explaining that Blogspot can occasionally have a mind of its own. I have tried repeatedly but when it’s lost its left-align, it seems gone for good and I’ve given up now. Just bear with the weird layout?

EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) seems to be the highlight of my week currently. What an exciting life. Today is Dennis’s birthday (I think he’s 73 but don’t like to ask for fear of offending him). His birthday card arrived early (within 12 hours of ordering it) so bang went that surprise as he opened it Saturday. He didn’t want a present, as usual, but I did hear him say to a friend yesterday that his ambition was to own a 6B pencil so I got straight to art supplies in Amazon and, Prime willing, he should soon own not only a 6B but everything up to a 12B and down to the bog standard HB. Quite what he will do with them remains to be seen as he hasn’t sketched for decades. I’m hazarding a guess at more LISTS.

I have my blood test appointment this Thursday - a simple process of their ringing me. So much easier. Still no word of a vaccine, though our 71yo friend had his on Saturday. Then, on Monday, I have the Oculaplastics appointment. I have no idea what it involves so I’m not worrying about it but, the closer it gets, the more I wonder of I should get a lift rather than drive myself. I can’t see them doing any treatment there and then, welcome though anything would be as my eye is half-closed now and it’s affecting my vision.

What I have done is something very positive and joined the Moving Forward course run by Maggie’s. Obviously it’s via Zoom and there are six of us at various stages of recovery, plus the facilitator. Week 1 was the basics - ground rules, asking us how we feel etc. It was fine except for the facilitator, who uses up-speak. It drives me potty. As soon as I notice it, I’m a lost cause - I notice every lift, I flinch at every raised tone, knowing it’s not a question. I know it’s my age but HOW has this awful way of speaking gripped the nation?

Week 2 I knew was going to be a challenge as it was about physical activity. Sort of. Actually, we spent the first 20 minutes talking about Journalling (what a word!) and I gradually realised that this graceful hand gently making sweeping movements across the screen was one of the participants trying to shift an affectionate cat eager to show his bum on Zoom. So I had to contend with up-speak and jealousy because the cat reminded me that affectionate Bonnie is no more and I’m left with Del, who runs as soon as I enter a room he’s in.  I need a lap cat!!!!

No chance

Back to physical activity. The pilates instructor (with a bloody cat sitting on her mat!) running that session made a great case for pilates and I can see how it will (notice the positive?) help improve my declining posture (see picture below) BUT we were expected to get down on the floor. Fine. I can slide down to the floor, no problems. Then what? I don’t have the weight-bearing strength in my wrists, knees, hands or feet. You try getting up without using any of those.

So she agreed to start with some standing pilates. At that point I didn’t dare

mention that every bone in my foot hurts, that I can step on my feet if I hold them at certain angles but no way can I spread my feet. I valiantly stood, one knee against the sofa in case I toppled, shifted from foot to foot and tried my best. 25 minutes and I was done in - and this was just the warm up. Fortunately I had to leave early for another Zoom call so I’m sure they had great fun finishing with some proper pilates, maybe one or more squashing their cats in the process.

This week we have nutrition. I have already decided to control my snorts of derision, to stay silent when they discuss foods I don't like or which don’t like me and not brag about how the last time I actually cooked a meal was October! Basically, there’s no point in my being there but that’s me being closed-minded. If they tell me eating Brazil nuts will cure my chemo-damage, I’ll buy Brazil nuts. I can’t guarantee I’ll eat them (ugh), let alone be able to swallow them or digest them but I am approaching this session with AN OPEN MIND.  Well, my version...

And I still haven’t mentioned the EFT!