249. Lost - one left kidney

 Talk about not knowing your arse from your elbow…Today, Dr U started by reading my CT scan report from 4 weeks ago.

It opened by saying I’d had my left kidney removed. Excuse me? Then he asked suspiciously if that was accurate, as though I’d been holding something significant back from him. Then he decided it was a transcribing error.  Well, amused though I was, when you think of the possible ramifications, it’s outrageous. Yes, we know it meant left breast but what if it goes into my records like that??

Blood markers today are down to 19 (completely normal). Tumour markers, which no one has mentioned before, are down to 6, a steady downward trend - so he is happy. Now I have to wait another 3 weeks for my MRI results. I spent 85 minutes in that bloody tube last evening, my ears ringing from the strange noises the machine makes. There’s no pattern to them. You’ve no idea what to expect next. Unfortunately, apparently I blinked so they had to start one scan again, hence the length of time I would never have managed without lorazepam. I found myself veering between applying my slow deep breathing to relax (not so easy with your head in a vice and a plastic face shield that made me think of Hannibal Lechter) and trying to create some music from the clanging and banging and bleeping. Heigh Ho.

Now comes the confusion of the jabs. I have a text from NHS England saying I should book an appointment online for my booster - if they had any appointments! I have to have it in the week of no treatment. So that’s 2 weeks ahead. But they only allow you to book up to 5 days ahead - and then there are no appointments.  There’s a press release dated 1 September from Public Health England saying that CEV patients should be offered a third vaccination and later be given the booster. It actually states that the two are separate. My oncologist knew nothing about it so, when he rang with my blood results (an unexpected courtesy - I think he’s just so relieved it’s working), I read it out to him and he still said he thinks it’s the same thing. One booster. Well, if they don’t know, who is going to know? This afternoon, I shall be brave and attempt to breach the defences of my medical practice and arrange my flu jab at least. In my dreams.

Apart from being wobbly, I’m feeling ok on Day 5 of my week off. That’s an improvement. Dr U did offer to reduce the dose but I was a brave little soldier and said I’d rather put up with the side effects as they are and make sure the cancer is kept under control. I forgot to ask about the enlarged lymph nodes, dammit, but they are no longer concerned about my endometrium, my left ovary (not mentioned to me before. - maybe they meant my kidney?) or my fractured sternum. However Dr U wants to keep an eye on that.The only worrying thing is that there is a tumour at the bottom of my left lung. Wtf??? They suggest this may be harmless, the result of a recent infection. Great, except I haven’t had a sniffle (runny nose yes, but sniffle no) in the past 18 months. Something else to keep an eye on.

Oh the best news of all. All future mammograms have been cancelled. Oh bliss. Thank you, wherever and whoever you are. It makes sense. I have a CT scan every 3 months so why would I need a mammogram? 

No more pancake breast. No more radiographer laughing as I pull my Dad’s agonised face at the slightest pain. I wonder how his face would have been if he’d had a testicle flattened between metal plates? Off the scale, that’s for sure. Bless him - low pain threshold.

Soooo…looking good. It’s so sad that a tiny voice in my head has to add “for now”.