254. Almost all good

Yesterday, Den and I went to the oncology clinic and came away satisfied. I’m not sure if I have it in me to be happy and assume this is it, all good, for good.

My blood markers are down to 17 from 19, ridiculously low since people without cancer can have up to around 35 just from secretions from other types of cells. But my tumour marker remains at 6 which indicates it’s still active. I assume the capecitabine deals with the potential damage. Assume? Why don’t I think to ask these questions! Dr U believes my tumour and skin mets feel softer still (not to me) and he’s pleased with my progress. I asked when my next CT scan was and he said Radiology had emailed them all that morning to say there is a 13-week wait for scans. He also said he didn’t think I needed one (now that I DO find encouraging) but still put me in for one - I guess that will take me to the 5-6 months mark, if appointments are being delayed that much. I still have no faith in CT scans when they can’t pick up the known signs I have of SBC but I guess I want to keep an eye on the lung nodule and hope nothing new appears.

We talked about all my side effects and he apologised and said they are all related to the drug. He could reduce the dose a little more or give me a couple of weeks off to get my breath back (literally) but he would prefer not to as we (?) are doing well right now and a change could make a big difference and even mean cape stops working. But he said my immunity was as good as it would ever be and to get back out there (real world with people in it) as often as I can. So, let’s hope I’m fit for book group on Wednesday, though one of the members has offered to pick me up if I want that.

Make Seconds Count has a custom that
we upload our waiting room shoes.
This is a different take. Ancient Doc Ms

As threatened, I took Den along with me so he could hear for himself that things are going fine. Dr U said that sometimes it was worse for partners - I am taking my pills and doing what I can to keep the illness at bay, knowing I’ve made the right decision; he may well feel helpless and out of control, knowing he has no idea what lies ahead and he can’t help. He bloody well does help - he’s removed almost all daily chores from me, partly because often I can’t wield the ‘tools’. You should have seen me buttering some toast yesterday!! Den admitted he’d stopped doing all the things that gave him pleasure before. He could gain no pleasure from them. PROGRESS, he’s playing the new Robert Plant/Alison Krauss album very loudly so I can hear it too. It’s wonderful - their voices are so different but they go together and their choice of instruments is gorgeous. Love it. Unfortunately I have no means of playing it now my laptop is defunct. Who’d have thought CDs would become defunct!

I’m definitely losing the plot though. I’ve resorted to a Christmas card for D from the cat! I can almost see Del rolling his eyes (but he doesn’t know I’ve got him a new cushion with his name on. What the hell is happening to me???). I don’t know if I mentioned it before but my present from D will be a monthly delivery of flowers for a year. The problem was, he couldn’t work out what to do so I ended up ordering my own present yet again. Oh, he’s well trained but I’ve failed miserably over 50 years on the present-giving front. Enough D-battering. He’s a treasure.