121. Yippeeeee

Need I say more?

Oh, how can I not? First of all, what’s with the double eyebrow? I can’t see it when I’m doing my makeup. But that’s not a smile-for-the-camera smile. It’s a genuine, I’m-so-happy smile.

The MRI was ‘inconclusive’ in the absence of the contrast dye but nothing worrying was picked up so I’m free at last. It feels so good. There are qualifications to the freedom but I’m not spoiling things by going into detail. It’s enough that, for now, I am considered virtually an ex-patient (though they did steal more blood before I left and Dr D thought I looked pale.) Jesus, I was wearing blusher too!!

I spent the afternoon reading in the sunshine (well, only the bits that are allowed were exposed) and found myself sobbing without any warning. It only lasted about a minute but it was a proper cry and a bit of a release. I wish I could do it more often. I haven’t cried through the whole process, much as I’ve needed to, so it was long overdue and I felt quite human afterwards.

My engagement ring is back on, as well as my gold chain (bit of a nuisance when I’m moisturising my noob as part of the post-radiotherapy regime) but I can’t find my Jo Malone anywhere. No worries - I will drive to Harrogate on Tuesday with Dennis and enjoy a Malone shop experience as a late birthday present (or maybe belated Christmas?). The old Jan is re-emerging.

Today I applied to be a patient representative on Leeds Commissioning Group. They appear to be a bit white/middle class/female-heavy but it looks interesting and, apart from objectivity which I occasionally struggle with when I know best, I am definitely good material. It’ll probably come to nothing but I want to improve patient voice. Meeting some of the older women who seemed so fearful and felt so powerless was an eye-opener for me.

Tomorrow I have my 2-hour driving lesson. I’ve located a pair of kitten heeled shoes as instructed so I can master the swivel technique. I’ll maybe put them on IN the car as I don't want to fall and break an ankle, a high probability given my luck. Freedom beckons...

More another day about the medical minutiae but let’s enjoy the positive vibe for now ;)