1. I can’t access the breastcancercare forum at all. My account is there but I just get Authentication Failed when I try to use it. I’m not addicted but I like to keep up with things (see how I avoided ‘abreast with developments’?) and am particularly cross cos I’m concerned about how my new online friend Wonks has got on today. I’ll try again tomorrow - might be a site fault.
2. I’m officially NED (Test: who can remember what that stands for?) but I’ve been told that I’ll need to be monitored regularly by Oncology because I was so highly node positive. It doesn’t take an idiot to infer that means the chances of a recurrence are higher than one would want. Regularly means every 3-4 months, plus the annual breast clinic check - mammogram due soon. So...
3. Dennis and I have to learn to live with the fact that cancer will continue to be part of our lives indefinitely. Nothing so easy as ‘It ain’t over till the fat lady sings’ here. She won’t be singing.
4. I have some long-term side effects which may or may not ease with time. I’m up to the stage where they should be declining but I’m not noticing any improvement. Tingling fingertips, tingling toes (the peripheral neuropathy), acute sensitivity to pain (honest, this morning I thought I had a huge paper cut from opening the Rice Crispies box. An edge brushed my hand. My brain is being misled - neuropathy). Absence of signals for bodily functions till almost the last minute - bearable. Worst is the swollen upper lip and slight numbness on patches of the tongue and palate and the salivation problems. This affects taste, appetite and gives me sore gums, a lisp and general mouthy weirdness.
5. I’m caught in a loop. Medication causes an unpleasant side effect so I have more medication to mitigate the effect, which in turn causes a side effect. I don’t know what’s what, what to take, what to cut down, what to ignore. I’m seeing the doctor about the pain on Friday - fingers crossed.
6. My noob hurts quite badly (radiotherapy plus neuropathy), providing an excellent reason not to do my exercises. However, the cording is returning. Another loop, another Catch 22. However, I’ve booked an appointment to be measured for my proper prosthesis on Monday afternoon. It only took Friday to this afternoon to get through to the right department! No wonder they could fit me in so quickly - no-one can get through to make an appointment!
7. My hair is growing slowly but surely. I think it looks rather nice but not everyone agrees and I still get double takes from idiot strangers who should know better. I don’t have chemo-curl on my head (yet) but I notice that some of my new leg hair is corkscrewed and there’s quite a lot of ingrowing hairs. Weird. Pubic hair is returning, oddly smooth and silky. BUT I’m peeing without worry now!
8. I’m back driving. Not with the carefree confidence I had before but not fearfully. I just need to relax more. Practice.
9. I’ve got a dental appointment with the dentist who is experienced in chemotherapy effects. Meantime, I’m getting a jaw pain which I hope is imagination or a side effect of the hormone therapy (joint and muscle pain). Perish the thought that it could be an effect of the zometa infusion- that simply doesn’t bear thinking about.
10. It’s beyond wonderful to just have the freedom to arrange these appointments without worrying how ill I may be, whether it will clash with hospital or how I’ll get there.
And I still haven’t mentioned the battlefield beyond the fence (in fact right up to perhaps a metre from our fence). Another time maybe.
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