139. Silence is good, isn’t it?

Well, 8 days on and no recall letter. D has just walked in with the post, a circular in one hand and a letter in the other. He tossed the circular to me but held onto the other so my heart was in my mouth (strange expression, but it’s exactly how it felt). Turned out it was an election thingy. I’ve given him a bollocking for being so insensitive. Second this week - he greeted me the other day with “There was a phone call from..” By the word ‘call,’ my heart was in my mouth. The call was from his friend. I asked him to just say “Kevin rang” or words to that effect and now he pulls the post trick. Aaargggh. He’s not so well-trained as I thought.

Wide awake at 3am last night/this morning. It’s a strange kind of insomnia. There isn’t the slightest wish to go to sleep and no way I could con my mind into thinking otherwise. No anxieties, just daytime alertness. Thank god I don’t have to get up in the mornings.

Long pause. I’m trying to keep my brain away from cancerworld so I’ve proof-read a report. Now I’m doing this and then I plan to reread the article (ok, it’s in cancerworld) about moving on and not dwelling on it. D’s read it but he had nothing to say except ‘I don’t see why it needs to be read again.’ I’d emailed him the link and suggested he save it to read in the future. Sometimes I think he’s a lost cause - obsessed with my illness but not open to suggestions about how to get life back on track.

So just for cheery reading, here is yesterday’s view from the bedroom window. An 8am start is their concession to those who need their weekend.

And here’s a pic of where Kiera is (Darwin). No guesses for where I’d like to be right now.