140. All clear on the Western Front

Geography was never my forte but I’ve worked out that, looking at me, it was my western front mauled by radiographer Martha, not my eastern. Regardless, the long-awaited letter arrived today. A simple statement that “nothing of concern” had been observed. Then it had the gall to go on to warn me that the mammogram isn't infallible. Well, what a surprise - yet everyone at the hospital tells me I must trust them. This really is a case of the left not knowing what the right hand is saying surely.

A huge load has been lifted. Not that I ever expected bad news - it was a healthy breast last year and nothing showed in the MRI. But that niggling fear was strong and I get the impression it’s going to be there every year. Not something I can share with Dennis. He’s relieved, of course, but he needs a lifelong guarantee on me before he’ll stop fretting now. And that’s something he’s never going to get.

Meantime, having been thinking about my Christmas Sales binge last year, I thought I’d celebrate. Off I went and browsed the racks and came back with a loaf and four pairs of knicks from Asda. I know how to live on the wild side. The great thing about it is they are size 10. I’m growing.

Tuesday, I had the luxury of two appointments at The Haven. I was booked in for an aromatherapy massage but there was a cancellation for acupuncture which I leapt on. All of this when, it transpired, I should have been attending an appointment with my psychiatrist who left a phone message suggesting she was worried I was too ill. Mortified doesn’t cover it.

Anyway, the massage didn’t happen. We started talking and next thing we knew, there was only 10 minutes left. Acupuncture was more productive. At least, I hope so. My mouth has been noticeably better, I’m salivating a lot more and I can only feel a faint tingling in my fingertips and toes. Please let it stay that way.

Painless. I have them in my face, tummy, wrist and ankles.

What I need next is to work out how to be comfortable in a bra. The two I bought are very restricting and chafe across my rib. I bought a comfortable-looking front fastener online that turned out to be tiny, even by my standards, so I can only use it with the Knitted Knocker. Fine, except gradually it sidles round to the weighty side - very uncomfortable. So now I’m on Amoena bras (Amoena made the prosthesis) via Amazon. It’s outrageous - we are entitled to buy mastectomy bras VAT-free. Amazon charges VAT regardless. I contacted Amazon who said they were obliged to comply with EU regulations and Amoena who said they had to comply with Amazon but they didn't charge for P&P to compensate. I’m not a tightwad. It’s a matter of principle - there must be many poor women who could do with the extra £5/6. I feel a battle coming on - not the Western Front I hope.