Wednesday 11 March 2020

166. The new c-word

I keep feeling so grateful that I was diagnosed when I was. Had it been a year later, I’d be living in terror right now regarding covid-19. My newspaper has kept level-headed but reported the details as they come in, one by one, and personally I think there’s been too much detail. That may be because I am of an age when I can think ‘What happened to polio (1950s), cholera (1964, I think that’s when my eating problems started), SARS, bird-flu?’ These things happen and we get through. I can see it’s wise to keep it as contained as possible particularly to protect the vulnerable, but there’s no need for a siege. However, this time last year, I was immune-compromised, a term I didn’t hear used until after the worst was over (typical). I think of my former colleague, still going through her chemo, and wonder how she must be feeling - c-19 on top of all the other worries. It’s bloody scary not having your normal immunity to even a simple cold and knowing that that simple cold could actually kill you if something goes wrong. Well, not the cold, the ensuing neutropoenic sepsis. So Alison, here’s a mental toast to you, your courage and luck/good fortune.

I should be worried I guess because, facing facts, we are both close to the vulnerable category, if not in it. I’m already consigned to the Older Persons MH Service (how dare they! It is a better service tho). However, neither of us has a pre-existing condition and Dennis has been through enough with his cold and cough virus (as have my nerves!).

As regards my own cancer experience, same old/same old... I’m waiting for my blood test results to know how to move forward on this pain. I’m also waiting for the referral to neurology and trying not to think about it because the parts of me that are affected, like my throat, are not areas that I want investigated! I gag when a doctor approaches with a tongue-suppressor :)  A newcomer to the Breast Cancer Now Forums wrote to say how excited I must be to be clear and Back to normal now and I simply didn’t have the heart to disillusion her. I think back to my Roll On Summer mantra with a wry smile now. Out of the woods, yes, but suffering in ways I never suffered before.

Which reminds me, my cording is back. This is probably because I haven’t been doing my stretches as assiduously as advised. But it’s hard stretching your arm over your head when your shoulder joints hurt like hell and you can’t clasp your hands because your fingers hurt equally badly! Lose/lose right now ;)

On a bright note, I’m heading back to keep reading The Mirror and the Light. I’m on about page 250 and have yet to find a superfluous word. There is some suspect punctuation where even repeated reason doesn’t illuminate her intention (“To right all wrongs, was his express desire: to make restitution, to see justice done.” I just happen to have it right here lol) but it’s as great a joy as the first two books. However, whereas I was able to say I enjoyed Bring Up The Bodies better than Wolf Hall, I simply wouldn’t be able to say without rereading all three. Something for another year perhaps, along with The Raj Quartet which gets brought out perhaps every 5 years.  And there’s a delivery from Jigsaw just arrived.

On an annoying note, I just arranged a full refund and a Hermes collection on Friday for our iron which simply stopped working. I tried all the usual electrical tests but nothing worked, including the iron, so I suggested we just gave it a rest. Today Den asked me where the working fuses were (as if I store dud ones) so I got straight online, in Chat to Amazon, as the iron is only about 4 months old and has been used at most for about 20 hours. Full refund, no questions asked. When I just told Dennis, he said ‘But it’s working now.’ Why did he ask for fuses? That was just in case. Apparently it has a cut-off if it’s overheating (he’s on the phone to Richard, our friendly former electrician, who explained it all). Well, it’s too late to reverse all the arrangements and an iron that cuts out through overheating after 20 minutes isn’t worth keeping, is it?

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