27. Coming or going?

I’ve arrived at the conclusion that I’ve grown out of multitasking. I know it’s not the great talent I thought it was - nothing gets 100% attention - but it’s how I always worked and I juggled those tasks well enough.

Now I’ve lost the knack. I can barely hold one thought in my head. While I’ve focused on the chemotherapy, I’ve neglected my noob. My muscles have tightened and I’ve lost my flexibility. My scar and surrounding muscle have tightened up again and I’m sore, if not in pain. I need to return to the exercise and massage regime, instead of the cursory rub up the arm when I feel a bit of discomfort. But that takes effort and I’m so tired...

Then I’ve got more medication than I’ve ever had in my life. How do I organise that? I have a checklist, I move them strategically so they should be at the right place for the right time - but some are 4 times a day, some two twice a day, some once, some as required...and if they’re in the bathroom, like the essential mouthwash, they get forgotten.

Oh, and I have to fit in regular fluid intake and regular eating. Some tablets need food, some need fluid, either cold water or a warm drink. How am I meant to remember all this!!

Then I’ve got the ‘schedule’ of chemotherapy side effects. Yesterday the steroid high, today (still on steroids) laid low - till I remembered that a possible side effect of the newly-added zolendronate is flu-like symptoms and I understand why I feel totally shattered.

Add more letters with more appointments (another two on the same day, four hours apart - so helpful) and my mind is totally boggling! Thank god for yesterday. May tomorrow (well, it’s today now - steroids don’t help with sleep) be another yesterday rather than a repeat of today. I still love my new hair!

I have to take my beanie off to all those women who manage to organise their families, carry on working and generally get on with life because they have to. I’m so lucky I’m free to go where the mood takes me. Not so sure how lucky poor Den is though!