92. What a letdown

Before I went to sleep last night, I must have rubbed my eye. I woke up again sharpish and proceeded to gently probe upper and lower lids. I could feel stubble. My eyelashes must be growing again. I went to sleep a happy bunny, propped against a bed wedge and 3 pillows to ease my rib pain and feeling guilty for having done my hourly exercises only twice all day - because it just causes more rib pain.

First thing this morning, I grabbed a magnifying mirror and am disappointed to confess I can’t see anything except two stalwart lashes that have held their ground on the left eye and three on the right. No sign of stubble. So I’m guessing it’s the ultra-sensitive fingertips (neuropathy) feeling what’s not there. Some good news would have been nice. Dennis asked what difference did it make. Thus speaks someone who hasn’t spent the last 53 years carefully applying mascara, after early experiments with false lashes and painting my own Twiggy-style. It required a steady hand, a lot of practice and a lot of patience but boy did I feel great!

I feel completely naked without my lashes, rather vulnerable. I forget I only have one boob. I never forget I have bald eyelids!

Back to let downs. The Chevin Medical Practice practice manager, in her apologetic email, said if there is anything I can do to help... blah blah. I went online yesterday to book a GP appointment. I need something for this rib pain and I want to discuss that incident of not breathing because I can’t get it out of my mind (unusual during all this nonsense. What I don’t like, I’ve generally been able to keep my mind away from it). For a practice covering the whole area from Bramhope and Pool to the town of Otley and beyond, with 3 sites, there was ONE appointment available next week in Bramhope and only two in Otley, all clashing with radiotherapy. Three appointments available next week for all their thousands of patients??

The alternative is triage. Ring at 8 and hope you can get through. Then convince the receptionist you are worthy of further attention. Then await a callback from a GP some time before 1pm, then hope they can give you an appointment. Unfortunately, as I shan’t know where I’ll be, it’s not really the best system. I might be in the Bexley Wing lift or having radiation treatment when they ring back - then they think I cant be bothered or that needy and don’t try to ring again. Plus there’s the question of how do I get there? Lisa is not my personal chauffeur and she has a family to deal with. I felt really bad Thursday when I discovered that she’d voted in the morning and had driven me up to vote in the evening as an extra!

Mind you, I’m going to feel even worse when the election results are announced today.