70. Let’s get those sleeves rolled up

One major issue resolved today. Dennis came with me to clinic again (very depressing) but this time I asked him to come in with me, partly because chemo-brain can be unreliable and partly because I am worn down by his frustration that I don’t know the answers to his questions. Well, now he knows even the oncologist doesn’t have the answers.

I’d already got off to a great start by having ‘lost’ my glasses, having removed them when driving round and round the car park. I knew they had to be on the car floor or just outside the car. But the prospect of going back to look for them was inconceivable as we’d had to park on level 3 - so I had a list of things on my phone and couldn’t barely read them.

Surprisingly, they think I’m having a tough time of it, whereas I assumed it was tough for everyone, and Dr U was very sympathetic and almost apologetic. But he knows his job and, offered the option of stopping at this point (only 4 sessions from the end), having another week’s break before resuming or just carrying on, I opted for the last. I think if I didn’t complete the chemotherapy, I’d always have at the back of my mind the fear that the cancer might return whereas, although I know it’s a possibility, it’s not something I’m likely to dwell on over the next 10 years of hormone treatment! My blood results weren’t great but good enough for me to handle chemo. My weight has increased this week and my ulcer, now I’ve gone back to the herbal mouthwash, is close to healing, as is my pressure sore. I do feel incredibly weak still but that’s the Paclitaxel, not my blood (if that makes sense?). I am also incredibly clumsy too!

So now I face the prospect of the 4 more Paclitaxel treatments, with increasingly numb fingertips that may take months or years to recover from (nerve tissue takes longer to repair itself than other tissue it seems) AND I need an emergency dental appointment. Unfortunately Dr U didn’t know if receded gum tissue repairs itself to its former glory and, sadly, my gums were the only good thing about the state of my teeth. He did say he’d ask his sister who’s a dentist! I thought that was reassuringly human :) Meantime, I need a temporary plug before whatever has caused the gap in one of my teeth turns into infection - cos my blood results were not great and I’m not likely to fight off any infection easily. 

Surprisingly though, Dr U was very non-commital about chemotherapy fullstop. He almost gave the impression they do it but they’re unsure if there is any real benefit. I admit to feeling a wee bit pissed off at that - but unwilling to take the risk!

To quote my husband: “Is there no end to all this?”