37. Ding ding...round three...

It’s been an odd day. No anxiety about going (even before I took the 2/3 Lorazepam - unreliable pill cutter). Kiera arrived early and I was running late but the timing was perfect. We eventually found a parking spot on L3 and I only had to stop twice on the stairs to let my blood reach my brain again!

A much shorter wait and much more conversation going on, which made me feel comfortable. People seemed to know each other. A young woman sat next to me and pulled off her bobble hat to reveal the shortest soft dark hair so I smiled and said ‘Snap, only you can see through mine.’ We talked a bit about the hair loss - hers is growing back now she’s having herceptin treatment. Sadly, I’m not allowed herceptin (something to do with the hormones) and have Paclitaxel which guarantees baldness, or alopoecia as the literature calls it.

My perfect vein failed in the perfection stakes today and swelled up - I’d normally have a spectacular bruise but I don’t think I have enough of the right corpuscles or platelets to spare so I just have a sore lump. Eventually the nurse chose a vein at the joint of my thumb and finger, Unusual. It was sore through the whole process but I kept quiet.

Then she gave me the anti-emetic pill, after which you have to wait 30 minutes. Common sense would suggest giving that immediately, then faffing about with veins and stuff. We could have saved a lot of time. After that it was just routine, but with side effects. The initial steroid hit is very disconcerting as it hits the nerve endings. Your buttocks and all the soft tissue of your bum and genitals are hit by a million needles, but it wears off quickly.

Then in went the poisons. First two tubes of E, then 2 of C. Each of them was a little painful, which is new, but nothing to moan about. I did find the last lot harder to take: my head felt very strange and prickly but I knew it would go when she flushed me through at the end. AND I got an additional litre of fluid in me. YAY.

My trolley, ready for anything

On top of that, I had a free foot massage from a Macmillan volunteer - thank you and sorry for making you jump but I did warn you I have an exposed nerve that will react if you touch it. I also drank half a cup of tea (the lady sarkily measured the milk in a teaspoon but it was perfect, just the tea was too strong) and 2 ham sandwiches (Kiera ate the rest). They certainly know how to keep the chemo patients happy ;)

And then we came home... Now I am stuffing my face with a bit of this and a bit of that because I have steroid appetite. I can’t risk a meal even tho I know it’s physically impossible to be sick - there’s knowledge and then there’s belief and that wins out every time, dammit. I’m too restless (steroids again) for a nap or to settle to anything meaningful. I have decided that, since most things taste of soap, I’m going to try a jam sandwich! At least it’s calories...