48. Home, my nest

Anne came to fetch me Wednesday teatime - yet another unquestioned and generous gesture from my friends (Kiera had brought Dennis in to see me the day before). I couldn’t manage without my lovely friends.

I was completely fazed by the drugs I brought home: one every 5 hours for x doses, then twice daily; antibiotic three times a day at equal intervals; potassium (beyond disgusting - imagine table salt being tipped in your mouth), plus my usual stuff. I drew up a rough chart and realised that most would be gone by Sunday so let’s not worry too much.

Thursday I was determined to have my first lie-in. Unfortunately, I’d lost the knack of sleeping so that didn’t happen. I did have a lazy day though. Unfortunately I was still awake at 4am this morning! Maureen kindly offered to take me to my clinic appointment today. Honestly, there’s me in my woolly beanie, chinos and Skecher boots, accompanied by this elegant woman in black suit and heels - and she’s a fair bit older than I am and only recently had a knee replacement - which was why she was wearing her ‘flatties’ (2.5inch heel?) Where’s my pride? Well, till all this is sorted, I’m opting for the bag lady look.

At clinic, I saw a new consultant. He was very nice but he focused more on the cancer than I would have liked and his opening question was to ask if I realised how dangerously ill I’d been? Well, no. I knew I was ill but how can you be dangerously ill and feel fine - so fine that you eat more and gain weight? We will continue as planned with the new drug Paclitaxel but at a reduced dosage. We should start Monday and plan to do so unless my blood count is still too low. Dennis had a list of questions but I wouldn’t let him come to the hospital as he was up half the night coughing. I’m safe enough with my armour of antibiotics but other patients might not be. However, Dr T answered the questions honestly. Could this happen again? Yes. What are the chances? Likely (!!!) BUT I now have weekly contact with the hospital so maybe less likely...

So, I’ve been dangerously ill and not realised it. I’ve agreed a plan with Dennis to allay some of his fears - I will take my temperature twice daily and promise to contact the hospital if my temperature rises to 37.5, even if I only have a broken nail. I will stick to eating three meals a day (I’ve had two for so long) to try and gain some weight, which I’m sure would help, AND I will keep to my fluids target which I’d let slip. I’m really not very good at taking care of myself in some ways, generally the most important ways!

Meantime, I received this out of the blue from my lovely Auntie June and cousins Tracy and Sharon:  

Yellow roses and chrysanths (ok, these are not chrysanths but they’re close) were Mum’s favourite flowers. They have really put a smile on my face.

Monday is chemo afternoon and hopefully will go ahead as scheduled and the nasty Zolendrate has been deferred until the Paclitaxel sessions are complete. Maybe my system is just too fragile to take all this internal battering? Carol is taking me but I may have to say no as she has a really nasty cold and, though she won’t be infectious in that way, if she still has her cough, it might affect the other patients’ safety. Carol a health hazard - rofl.

Now I need to find a way to take the final potassium drink. This afternoon’s took two hours to get down, including trying to mix it with some jelly (too slow) and mixing it with my Mean Green energy drink (successful but slow) and a little too acidic. Any suggestions gratefully received but, being me, probably ‘Yes but.’