43. One step forward, one and a half steps back

After the lovely energising (bit of an exaggeration but let’s stay positive) sunshine yesterday, I found myself Dementored for almost 4 hours last night. I just lay there, barely moving, barely thinking, wondering when it would pass. The lights were on, my hands were cold but I couldn’t summon the energy to get them under the duvet. I can’t say I felt scared but I did feel increasing anxiety as I didn’t sleep, drift or anything but just lie there! Took me till about 3 to be able to sit up, sip some water and decide I’d better have a pee and clean my teeth.

I was fine this morning, I thought, but I’m almost overwhelmed by a strange fatigue and so I’ve gazed wistfully out at today’s blue sky and wished I had a backside that could be kicked. HOWEVER, I ate food with flavour today, food that didn’t taste of mush or soapy slime - a simple pizza! Half gone, it’s lying waiting for me to get the urge to try it cold later. There was only so much I could manage before my sore gums protested. Oh bliss. A simple tomato and mozzarella pizza has brightened my day. That and a Fry’s Turkish Delight. 

Next I’ll be trying a toasted bagel and some vegan cheese that’s been recommended. I’m not sure how or why a bagel may differ from the soapy gunge bread and crumpets have become but I need to keep trying to find stuff that’s sufficiently palatable and I saw a toasted bagel recommended under foods recommended during chemotherapy. Seemed a safe choice (unlike the yellow pepper I’ve bought, planning to nibble slices during the day instead of Skittles). Huh, watch this space. 

Now I’m off to search for some flavourfree toothpaste as I’m running low. It’s an exciting life isn’t it ;)